Being Kind

What does it mean to be kind?  We are not a kind society any more.  You can see it every day.  There's not one single thing that makes us kind or unkind.  It's a combination of things.

First of all, I'm going to tell you that I'm probably older than you.  I'm 56 and close to 57.  I tell you this because, like it or not, it affects my world view.  I used the term "world view" because it is a term used in every management training class I've been required to take for the last 25 years.  If you've been required to take a management class, you've probably heard that term in reference to your perspective on things.  If you haven't, then you're one of the lucky ones.

With that out of the way, let's talk about kindness.  What does kindness really mean?  To some people it means being tolerant of other peoples' views and beliefs even if they're different from your own.  To some people it means that, if presented with an opportunity to screw someone else over but it doesn't gain you anything, then you decide not to do it. To others, it means that you go out of your way to do the "right thing." To some it means just being a decent human being and doing things that help others when you can.

Regardless of your definition of kindness, there are very few people who would say that we're a "kind society" today.  In reality, we've somehow gotten to  place where we really don't care about other people and we don't care whether they are happy or not.  We really don't care if others have what they need to be happy or even what they need to survive.  There are so many other things we decide are more important than the welfare of others.

To put things in perspective, I was born in 1960.  My primary socialization happened in the 60's.  If you don't know what primary socialization is, open a new tab in your browser and look it up on Google.  If you don't care, then you should just stop reading now and go do something else because it's relevant to what I'm saying here.

When I was a kid, my role models were my parents.  To give you some perspective, both of my parents were university professors.  They were, and still are, the two people I consider to be the perfect balance of intellectualism, idealism, and reality.  When I need to make an important decision in my life, I rarely call them and ask for advice, but I always ask myself what they would do if they were in my position.  I regard my mother as a voice of reason and I regard my father as a voice of idealism.  Often their views are conflicting, but I know that the right answer is somewhere in between.

That being said, I was always taught to be kind to others.  That meant respecting people who deserved respect, disagreeing with people who advocated things I didn't agree with, and helping other people who needed help whether I agreed with them or not.  The common denominator is that we are all humans and we're all here together.  You don't have to agree with someone's views to be nice to them.  All you have to do is do nice things and don't go out of your way to be an asshole.  It's really not very hard.

For some reason, things are different today.  We are apparently no longer expected to lend a hand when someone needs our help.  Today, people don't offer to help others unless there's something in it for them and this is considered ok.  The first time I realized this was when I was working in Spain.  Walking down the stairs from my hotel room on the way to breakfast every morning I was greeted by a dozen strangers with "Buenos dias" (good morning).  When it first happened I was shocked.  Why were these people who I had never met saying that?  It was because they, despite the fact that they had never laid eyes on me before, were wishing me a good morning and telling me that they hoped I would have a good day.

We don't do that here, but we should.  During my many, many months spent in Spain, that walk down the stairs each morning was the highlight of my day.  You should probably know that the reason my company sent me there was to basically take over the operations of an animal feed company and make it profitable in the eyes of their American peers, no matter what the cost was to the people who built the company.  There was nothing honorable or even remotely right about my presence there. In fact, I'm ashamed of the things I did there and the impact it had on those people.  Despite this, I received a cheerful greeting every time I descended the stairs to go to breakfast each morning.  From total strangers.  and every day I asked myself "How does this happen?  Why are they so nice to me?"  The answer is that they were being kind.  Nothing more.  They wanted me to have a good day and they told me so.  It wasn't a great sacrifice for them.  It was just being kind.

My point is that it doesn't take a huge effort to be kind to someone, but the rewards for everyone are great.  Just be nice and help people when they need help, regardless of how you feel about their political beliefs or their moral standards.  Just be nice.  It really isn't hard and I'll bet your parents taught you how to do it.

I'd like to end this post with some magical words to tie everything together, but there aren't any.  You know what it means to be kind.  Now you just have to do it.